


Losing

by CurlyCue



Category: Gangsters in Love (Visual Novel), Lovestruck - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, It's written in first person but so is everything on the Lovestruck app so??, Tags Are Hard, The MC basically almost hyperventilates but yknow, i think???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 03:56:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18044987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlyCue/pseuds/CurlyCue
Summary: (Takes place towards & after the end of Aurora's route, Season 1, Episode 13.)You lost the tournament. There's some emotional fallout.





	Losing

I can't believe I let my emotions take control of me like that, not again. I can't afford another slip-up, can't afford to disappoint them any more than I already have-- but I'm shaking, and I'm losing and losing and losing and I'm scared. This was a big blow to my already scarce newfound confidence, and now I'm playing like a newbie again, making rookie mistakes, too shaken up to really shake off the big mistake I'd made. 

And before I know it, before I can regain my composure or even wrap my mind around it, the game ends, my losing streak still intact and the beginnings of a wrenching horror-struck feeling deep in my gut. I already know I didn't make it to the next round, but that doesn't do anything to soothe the rapidly solidifying lump in my throat when I see the paper that clearly announces my name in third place. I'm still trying to swallow past that lump when Skylar comes up and pats me on the back in a condescending matter, informing me with a smug sneer that third place is "nothing to be ashamed of", and by the time she's turned her back, I'm filled with a bitter anger, directed both at her and myself. For a moment, my fists and jaw clench, and I quietly punch my thigh and pull a face before and I quietly punch my thigh and pull a face before forcing myself to settle into a more mellow, resigned sort of feeling-- but that sort of anger doesn't go away that easily, so I'm left with a brewing mix of emotions, bubbling just below the surface, but contained. 

My eyes are brimming with tears of frustration and disappointment when I finally take a deep breath, just managing to blink them back before drawing up my strength to search the crowd for Aurora and Chance. If my heart was already sinking while my gaze flitted over the crowd, the sight of Aurora's furious glare cutting through the crowd to focus solely on me is like a punch to the gut and a kick to a puppy, something that drops me down several more pegs (probably off the pegboard completely at this point) and makes me wilt and my chest hurt all at once. I quickly avert my eyes in shame, my skin already burning with the knowledge that I've failed her, disappointed her, that she's angry with me specifically. 

The tears are back, and suddenly it's hard to breathe. I bring a shaking hand over my mouth, not fully realizing what I'm doing as my mind feels a little fuzzy. Suddenly it occurs to me how Chance must be feeling right now. Surely if Aurora is feeling this way, Chance is even worse? First I basically bullied him into letting me back into the tournament, making him look weak when he went back on his word and let me play, and then I humiliated him by representing his gang and being absolutely crushed by the competition. He probably hates me. 

I feel like I'm going to be sick, and the room is spinning, so I stumble past the throngs of people, barely apologizing as I jostle them, mumbling something about getting some air. I think I might hear someone calling my name, but my heart is beating so loudly and erratically that I'm not sure, and I gasp, inhaling deeply as I throw open the door to the casino, letting the fresh air rush into my lungs relieve my sparking, tingling senses just a bit. I'm still shaking as I unsteadily feel my way along the brick wall and slide down it into a sitting position, unceremoniously jabbing my elbows into my knees to rest them and bringing my trembling hands up, resting my head and hiding my face in them, my fingers entangling themselves in my hair within seconds. 

It's an acute awareness that I'm no longer alone that snaps me halfway out of my meltdown. 

"Hey... hey! [Name], what the hell is going on with you? What's wrong? Hey-- stop that, you're going to hurt yourself," they break off from their concerned, slightly angry sounding demands to gently pry my hands away from my scalp, where I hadn't noticed I had started anxiously scratching and pressing at my scalp and tugging at strands of hair. Out of reflex, I pull my hands away, going to move them back, but they coax my fingers to interlock with their own, softening their voice even more. "You're a mess, you know that? Okay, listen. I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Otherwise you're going to pass out." 

Some part of me-- the coherent part, the part currently being hella dominated by the emotional part-- is surprised at the tender tone, but I just quickly nod, eyes screwed shut.  
It's after quite a few quiet breaths and calm words that I receive enough mental clarity to come to the shell-shocking realization that it's Chance that's helping me, and that knowledge alone is enough to send my eyes flying wide open and my breath to a stuttering halt. 

"Whoa, hey, what the hell happened? You were doing so well just now, don't die on me or anything." 

I can't help the upward twitch of my lips, despite myself, and the momentary relief in his expression is almost palpable as he slowly stands up and brushes himself off, offering me a hand up. I graciously accept it, pulling myself to my feet, and then because I'm feeling silly, I bring his hand up to my lips and press a soft kiss to the back of his knuckles, giving him a small, lopsided smile as I look up at him through my wet lashes. He seems startled, like he wants to protest but he can't quite find the words, so I decide to speak before he does, letting the emotional mask drop as I murmur a soft "Thank you." Chance seems genuinely taken aback at this, even more so than the kiss, and his eyebrows screw up thoughtfully before I decide to tack on, "for... everything, I guess. But particularly that, just now." 

He doesn't seem to have a response for this, but he manages to cut through his own emotional static enough to give me an unsure "it's no problem." There's a moment of silence where neither of us are quite sure what's just changed between us and neither of us really know how to react to it either, but the moment abruptly ends when I straighten up and clear my throat. I can tell he's grateful for the change in tone from the way his shoulders drop half an inch. 

"So, um." My voice hits a squeaky tone, and I clear my throat a second time in frustration, more insistently this time. Chance is looking at me expectantly, hands carefully shoved into his pants pockets. "Aurora's... pretty pissed with me right now, from what I gather. Did you drive yourself?" 

It's obvious from the way I ask that I'm actually asking him if he'll drive us home-- funny how quickly the mansion became somewhere I thought of as home, but that's a thought for another time-- and he presses his lips into a thin line, narrowing his eyes at me in thought. It almost looks like he's scrutinizing me, but he's got that calculating glint in his eyes, and I know he's thinking it over. 

Not a moment later, I'm proven correct when his face falls back into its usual easy, neutral expression, and he shrugs. "I did. She's already left, so you'll have to come with me." A hand gesture is the only warning I'm given before he swivels on his heel to face the other direction and I'm hurrying after him in the direction of his car.

**Author's Note:**

> Chance is likely out of character, the MC doesn't act like herself because she is now ME with no regrets on my part, and this was just something I wrote up a while ago after I read the episode and forgot to post. Hope you enjoyed!


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